“You don’t need to stop drinking! You’re not an alcoholic!”
“You haven’t had a drink for five years - surely now you can drink moderately?”
“It’s my birthday, you’ve gotta have a glass of champagne with me!”
I don’t think I am an alcoholic. But I don’t really care. It’s just a word. What I do know, is that my life is SO much better without alcohol in it. I am happier. I am healthier. My relationships are also happier and healthier. I’m not sure I’d still be married if I were still drinking. I spent a long time wondering if I can ever drink again - and then I realised I don’t actually want to, or need to. Why would I risk everything I’ve got, for a drink that quite literally poisons your brain? (And from a vanity perspective, ages your face and body….)
But sometimes, people don’t get it. They think that now I’ve done a few years without alcohol, I’ve ‘proved’ that I can do it, and now I get to go back and try drinking again. Erm, that seems extremely high risk. And like I said, I can’t see any benefits.
They think I owe it to them to have a drink - it’s their wedding / hen do / birthday. Great! Go you! I’ll celebrate you, I’ll dance, I’ll do anything you want - but your celebration doesn’t trump my desire to stay away from alcohol.
People think I’ve learned to moderate. No, I really haven’t. I don’t moderate much in life - it’s one of the things I love most about myself. I don’t go running, I train for ultra marathons. I became a sea swimmer when I moved to Kent - and went for a dip when there was snow on the beach. I do everything to extremes and in excess - and I love it! Just not with alcohol. People who can truly moderate alcohol are like unicorns - I’ve heard of them, but never met one.
I have worked hard to be at peace with what I have - and I am so content with what that is. Alcohol would worm its way back in slowly, insidiously, and poison the foundations of what I’ve built. I don’t give alcohol a thought anymore - and that’s liberating because I remember the mental load of planning my drinking - ‘Well, I’ll just have a glass tonight, because it’s Becky’s weekend away at the weekend so that’ll be messy, so I’ll cancel yoga on Monday because I’ll feel shit, and then I absolutely and definitely won’t drink for a week, although shit, Adam’s in town, and. he wants to go for dinner… maybe I’ll drive?! I’ll tell him I’m on antibiotics. I’ll stick to just spirits.’ Oh god, the internal negotiations….!
So enjoy your big day. I’ll enjoy it with you and alongside you. I’ll celebrate you. But I’m celebrating me too, and everything I’ve achieved. And I’ll do that by staying off the alcohol. It’s fucking worth it.
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Same. Just same. I can so relate!